Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Is it just me?
I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or what, but my neighborhood has seen an influx of extremely hot girls in the last few months. I know school just started and NYUers like Williamsburg as an alternative to Manhattan but, jesus christ on the Forman, it's getting out of hand. I sat on my stoop last night for a few minutes and witnessed at least 347 women with short shorts and cleavage for days. We're talking about a cascade of hotness rivaling a Bryant Park catwalk. More hot than that actually because these girls were real and not stick-figure marionettes.
It's enough to make me divorce my wife and run down the street with pants around my god damn ankles.
Well, maybe just the latter.
It's enough to make me divorce my wife and run down the street with pants around my god damn ankles.
Well, maybe just the latter.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Since the 2nd grade
I took some decent video and I'll try to youtube it for your viewing pleasure. Wait till you see Darth Vader dance.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Conscientious Objector
I thought those words only referred to the Vietnam war. Apparently there more than a few US military personnel living in Canada after having been rejected for CO status.
http://www.wmtc.ca/
Is this war as immoral as Vietnam?
http://www.wmtc.ca/
Is this war as immoral as Vietnam?
Friday, August 10, 2007
Football vs. Baseball
I've wasted considerable manhours today on a pointless email discussion of which sport is better. Rather than have this amazing discourse be squandered on the waves of the interweb, I'm posting it here in entirety so that others may waste their time. My responses (in black) began through a proxy, the football fans wife. His answers are gay and in purple to denote such orientation. Fuck you, it's my blog. Enjoy:
Baseball is better than football. Make sure you tell him that.
I bravely told him that you said baseball is better than football. He laughed a deep and hearty laugh and then said "yeah right".
Football is for 300 pound fatties with 5 year careers, baseball is for life.
Here we go. Just to negate the 300 lbs comment........Cecil "Hall of Famer" Fielder. Okay, now that that's outta the way. I like baseball. Go Sox. I even enjoy going to a game or watching the playoffs on TV. The problem is, baseball is a game. Football is a sport. You do not have to be an athlete to play professional baseball. Manny an athlete? Not even close. Is he extremely talented? Absolutely. But so is the guy who can bowl a 300 consistently. A Hall of Fame baseball player succeeds at the plate 2 out of 5 times. So that's a possible two times a game offensively that a Hall of Fame player may have to actually run. That's good because I don't know if Papi could handle more than that. Now let's look at defense. Papi is out because, well, he's a DH. But let's look at Manny. How many times do you go through the batting order in a game, maybe 4 times in an average game? So that's going to be around 36 at bats for a team. How many of those at bats result in balls coming Manny's way? For the sake of argument I'm going to estimate really, really high and say 10 balls come his way. So, let's say he gets 2 hits on offense (not HR because then he doesn't have to run) and 10 plays his way on defense. That's 12 times over the course of a game that he has to run. 12 times???? That's ridiculous. And how many of those defensive plays does he actually run on? Manny is not an athlete and he's a Hall of Fame caliber player. Sport???? I think not. I'm not saying that running is essential to a sport (boxing) but moving should be. Every guy on every play of a football game has to be athletic and in shape. The same can't be said of baseball. The football guys may way 300 lbs but they're in terrific shape and if they're not they get booted off the team. So, in conclusion. Yes baseball players have skills but so do guys who play darts. There are athletes who play baseball but in most positions it's not a requirement. Football is superior in every way. While baseball may be America's past-time, football is America's passion.
Any and all baseball players would scoff at your statement that they are not athletes. The main point you are forgetting is that football players play in 16 games a season. Baseball players play in 162 games. That's ten times more, in case you didn't realize. Longevity and endurance is a much bigger part of baseball and involves much more than running 12 times a game. In order to be prepared to have bursts of speed and excellent hand-eye coordination, they must take batting and fielding practice, do calisthenics and keep their bodies in excellent shape much like football players. The Cecil Fielders and Big Papis are the exception, not the rule. Let me ask you this question, would a 300 pound lineman be able to play 162 games a year? How long would his career last if he did?
Also, last I watched a football game, there is a lot of standing around. What's the offense doing when the defense is on the field and vice versa? Not to mention the 2nd, 3rd and 4th string players who spend the whole game on the bench. To say there is more downtime in baseball than football is kind of ridiculous. Both of them pale in comparison to true cardiovascular sports like basketball and long distance running or cycling. Football and baseball are more akin to sprinting or long jumping. Preparation for an intense bout of truly incredible feats of sprinting or leaping or swinging doesn't lessen the athlete doing it.
And finally, DARTS ISN"T A SPORT? HOW DARE YOU?
David Blaine had to prepare his body to be in a bubble for 3 months or whatever the hell it was he did but I wouldn't say it makes him an athlete. If we're going to bring practice into the equation then the baseball season is probably shorter than the football season. I'm not educated enough in the baseball schedule to be sure but I know that teams not making the playoffs in the NFL have a total of about 4 1/2 months off. Football takes a much bigger toll on the body too, hence the average shorter career. And I'll take a batting practice and calisthenics over an NFL OTA any day.
I'll give you that a shortstop has to be a real athlete. You might convince me on 2nd too. Those guys really have to be able react quickly and control their bodies. But I know in my current out of shapeness that I could handle the "rigors" of a 162 game season playing right field. I just don't have the hand-eye coordination and other skill involved in swinging a bat at a professional level. I could handle the field though (throwing would take some practice but again I would argue the same about bowling).
To answer your question about the 300 pounder being able to handle baseball? Absolutely! He'd have to retrain his body but not because baseball demands it. Because that position on a football field requires you to build your body different from the average human. In thinking about positions I think I've come up with a good comparison. A baseball player is like the kicker on a football team. Waits around for three hours to be involved on his 8 plays a game. Yup, he runs down the field to help cover kicks but have you see these guys? Hardly athletes. They have to do calisthenics and stuff to keep their legs flexible. They have to keep their "heads in the game" ready to perform their miraculous feat. But they for sure are not athletes. And though there is no proof, I'm sure they would be just fine if the season had 162 games.
I'm typing this at work so I'm not able to formulate my thoughts real clear right now. You should come over tonight and we'll settle this like men! Or we can put on some skirts and settle it like baseball players. = ) Just kidding. I respect baseball players for what they can do, I just wouldn't call them all athletes.
Your definition of athlete is slightly skewed, mostly to win this argument, I fear.
Is a sprinter an athlete? Baseball involves sprinting. Is a high jumper an athlete? Baseball involves jumping. Hell, I consider myself an athlete and I only play basketball once a week and go to the gym here and there. Why are you slighting the fact that preparation and anticipation of a spectacular athletic feat is less strenuous or worthy of praise than "Hey you, push against this guy for 5 seconds" 20 times in a hour? I see you ignored the downtime involved in most football games. Take a look at your own precious players before wielding the "athlete" stick.
I also don't think you'd be able to handle the rigors of a 162 game season without training. The baseball "season" begins in February and stretches to October so I'd say it's comparable with football's. Younger guys also play Winter ball or now the W.B.C. so that will add games. Most players take only a month or so off and then have a routine off-season workout schedule to stay sharp.
The real difference between football and baseball athletic levels is one of resilence and endurance. Sure, a 300 pound guy can do well for a month or two easily, but to consistently perform well for 6+ months takes a tailored and trim athletic body. Have you heard anything about the steroids or greenies scandals? They are all about bouncing back, about maintaining strength and agility over a long period of time. Why do you think players would risk their career for the chance to perform consistently over a whole season? Perhaps it's because it's not as easy a sport as you claim it is.
But that's not even why I think baseball is better than football. What bothers me is the culture. Football is so Republican. So ritualistic. I don't like that they play once a week (or two weeks on a bye). What keeps your attention in between? Baseball is consistent. Every night during the summer, I can get home from work and watch a game. There are better stories involved in baseball. The starter trying to bounce back from a shelling. The young minor league callup having his first at-bat. Just look at how many great baseball movies there are: Field of Dreams, Major League, Bull Durham, The Natural, Eight Men Out, A League of Their Own(don't knock it, it's fucking great). How many football movies are there? Any Given Sunday? I hate Pacino in that. The Longest Yard? Rudy? Awful.
Baseball is better than football. Make sure you tell him that.
I bravely told him that you said baseball is better than football. He laughed a deep and hearty laugh and then said "yeah right".
Football is for 300 pound fatties with 5 year careers, baseball is for life.
Here we go. Just to negate the 300 lbs comment........Cecil "Hall of Famer" Fielder. Okay, now that that's outta the way. I like baseball. Go Sox. I even enjoy going to a game or watching the playoffs on TV. The problem is, baseball is a game. Football is a sport. You do not have to be an athlete to play professional baseball. Manny an athlete? Not even close. Is he extremely talented? Absolutely. But so is the guy who can bowl a 300 consistently. A Hall of Fame baseball player succeeds at the plate 2 out of 5 times. So that's a possible two times a game offensively that a Hall of Fame player may have to actually run. That's good because I don't know if Papi could handle more than that. Now let's look at defense. Papi is out because, well, he's a DH. But let's look at Manny. How many times do you go through the batting order in a game, maybe 4 times in an average game? So that's going to be around 36 at bats for a team. How many of those at bats result in balls coming Manny's way? For the sake of argument I'm going to estimate really, really high and say 10 balls come his way. So, let's say he gets 2 hits on offense (not HR because then he doesn't have to run) and 10 plays his way on defense. That's 12 times over the course of a game that he has to run. 12 times???? That's ridiculous. And how many of those defensive plays does he actually run on? Manny is not an athlete and he's a Hall of Fame caliber player. Sport???? I think not. I'm not saying that running is essential to a sport (boxing) but moving should be. Every guy on every play of a football game has to be athletic and in shape. The same can't be said of baseball. The football guys may way 300 lbs but they're in terrific shape and if they're not they get booted off the team. So, in conclusion. Yes baseball players have skills but so do guys who play darts. There are athletes who play baseball but in most positions it's not a requirement. Football is superior in every way. While baseball may be America's past-time, football is America's passion.
Any and all baseball players would scoff at your statement that they are not athletes. The main point you are forgetting is that football players play in 16 games a season. Baseball players play in 162 games. That's ten times more, in case you didn't realize. Longevity and endurance is a much bigger part of baseball and involves much more than running 12 times a game. In order to be prepared to have bursts of speed and excellent hand-eye coordination, they must take batting and fielding practice, do calisthenics and keep their bodies in excellent shape much like football players. The Cecil Fielders and Big Papis are the exception, not the rule. Let me ask you this question, would a 300 pound lineman be able to play 162 games a year? How long would his career last if he did?
Also, last I watched a football game, there is a lot of standing around. What's the offense doing when the defense is on the field and vice versa? Not to mention the 2nd, 3rd and 4th string players who spend the whole game on the bench. To say there is more downtime in baseball than football is kind of ridiculous. Both of them pale in comparison to true cardiovascular sports like basketball and long distance running or cycling. Football and baseball are more akin to sprinting or long jumping. Preparation for an intense bout of truly incredible feats of sprinting or leaping or swinging doesn't lessen the athlete doing it.
And finally, DARTS ISN"T A SPORT? HOW DARE YOU?
David Blaine had to prepare his body to be in a bubble for 3 months or whatever the hell it was he did but I wouldn't say it makes him an athlete. If we're going to bring practice into the equation then the baseball season is probably shorter than the football season. I'm not educated enough in the baseball schedule to be sure but I know that teams not making the playoffs in the NFL have a total of about 4 1/2 months off. Football takes a much bigger toll on the body too, hence the average shorter career. And I'll take a batting practice and calisthenics over an NFL OTA any day.
I'll give you that a shortstop has to be a real athlete. You might convince me on 2nd too. Those guys really have to be able react quickly and control their bodies. But I know in my current out of shapeness that I could handle the "rigors" of a 162 game season playing right field. I just don't have the hand-eye coordination and other skill involved in swinging a bat at a professional level. I could handle the field though (throwing would take some practice but again I would argue the same about bowling).
To answer your question about the 300 pounder being able to handle baseball? Absolutely! He'd have to retrain his body but not because baseball demands it. Because that position on a football field requires you to build your body different from the average human. In thinking about positions I think I've come up with a good comparison. A baseball player is like the kicker on a football team. Waits around for three hours to be involved on his 8 plays a game. Yup, he runs down the field to help cover kicks but have you see these guys? Hardly athletes. They have to do calisthenics and stuff to keep their legs flexible. They have to keep their "heads in the game" ready to perform their miraculous feat. But they for sure are not athletes. And though there is no proof, I'm sure they would be just fine if the season had 162 games.
I'm typing this at work so I'm not able to formulate my thoughts real clear right now. You should come over tonight and we'll settle this like men! Or we can put on some skirts and settle it like baseball players. = ) Just kidding. I respect baseball players for what they can do, I just wouldn't call them all athletes.
Your definition of athlete is slightly skewed, mostly to win this argument, I fear.
Is a sprinter an athlete? Baseball involves sprinting. Is a high jumper an athlete? Baseball involves jumping. Hell, I consider myself an athlete and I only play basketball once a week and go to the gym here and there. Why are you slighting the fact that preparation and anticipation of a spectacular athletic feat is less strenuous or worthy of praise than "Hey you, push against this guy for 5 seconds" 20 times in a hour? I see you ignored the downtime involved in most football games. Take a look at your own precious players before wielding the "athlete" stick.
I also don't think you'd be able to handle the rigors of a 162 game season without training. The baseball "season" begins in February and stretches to October so I'd say it's comparable with football's. Younger guys also play Winter ball or now the W.B.C. so that will add games. Most players take only a month or so off and then have a routine off-season workout schedule to stay sharp.
The real difference between football and baseball athletic levels is one of resilence and endurance. Sure, a 300 pound guy can do well for a month or two easily, but to consistently perform well for 6+ months takes a tailored and trim athletic body. Have you heard anything about the steroids or greenies scandals? They are all about bouncing back, about maintaining strength and agility over a long period of time. Why do you think players would risk their career for the chance to perform consistently over a whole season? Perhaps it's because it's not as easy a sport as you claim it is.
But that's not even why I think baseball is better than football. What bothers me is the culture. Football is so Republican. So ritualistic. I don't like that they play once a week (or two weeks on a bye). What keeps your attention in between? Baseball is consistent. Every night during the summer, I can get home from work and watch a game. There are better stories involved in baseball. The starter trying to bounce back from a shelling. The young minor league callup having his first at-bat. Just look at how many great baseball movies there are: Field of Dreams, Major League, Bull Durham, The Natural, Eight Men Out, A League of Their Own(don't knock it, it's fucking great). How many football movies are there? Any Given Sunday? I hate Pacino in that. The Longest Yard? Rudy? Awful.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Weight loss contest
In a decided effort to combat our expanding waistlines and our impending death, my buddy and I have begun a Herculean effort to lose weight. Realizing that there is absolutely no way that the two of us could motivate separately to eat less and exercise, we agreed to set our anorexic tendencies against the other.
I've known Rain Delay since 1st grade and we have been forever locked in a clash of wills, be it for girls, basketball, bike races, grades (we were separated in 3rd grade because I would proclaim my A on a test was better than his A-), and now FIFA 07 and Fight Night 3. I cannot let him win any more than he can allow my victory. Which is not to say we don't respect each other, quite the opposite. But this marks the first time that we have decided to harness this power for good and not for evil. The two of us have vowed before the Lords of Cobol that we will lose weight or die trying. Actually, the loser buys the winner a Nintendo Wii, but everytime I will play it, Rain Delay will die a little bit inside.
The rules are like this: We are striving to lose one third of our body fat percentage. We reasoned that losing straight weight would encourage unhealthy practices like slicing off our arms. Plus, I didn't want to feel bad about lifting at the gym, thinking it would skew the numbers to his favor. We weigh in every Monday on a scale which Rain Delay bought for $120. It figures out our body fat percentage by sending three tiny mice into our anuses and having them ascend through our digestive systems. It's either that or it uses electricity somehow. Regardless, it's foolproof and we trust it 100%.
Here are some surprisingly annoying-to-make tables of our results so far:
| 7.16.07 | Greg | Rain Delay |
| Weight in lbs. | 194.2 | 225 |
| % of Body Fat | 21.5% | 26.5% |
| 7.23.07 | Greg | Rain Delay |
| Weight in lbs. | 192 | 219 |
| % of Body Fat | 21% | 25.5% |
| 7.30.07 | Greg | Rain Delay |
| Weight in lbs. | 190 | 219 |
| % of Body Fat | 20% | 25.5% |
As you can see, I am currently winning. Mr. Rain Delay has stalled at 25.5% while my steady descent will lead me to the sweet fruit of Victory. I can already taste it. It tastes like cantaloupe.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Senator plays a 70 Dwarf Priest
http://gamepolitics.com/2007/07/24/senator-is-a-level-70-dwarf-priest-in-world-of-warcraft/
The real question is: Guam has a senator?
The real question is: Guam has a senator?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Conspiracy
I'm not sure what the human fascination with conpiracies is drawn from. After every major historical event now it seems theories sprout up about what really happened or what our government isn't telling us. Was JFK shot by the grassy knoll? Were the Kinghts Templar involved in Richie Cunningham's career? Is Paul dead and replaced by a robot? Is his memory full?
Perhaps it comes from history class. I remember the point being outlined many times in my Connecticut liberal public school education that history is written by the victors. That even commonly held accounts of the Revolutionary War, the Civil War or Vietnam are heavily skewed towards promoting US supremacy. I was a child at the peak of the Cold War, and it often seemed every movie was about Russia succombing to the capitalist wise-cracking might of America. Looking back now, I wonder if what we had was so much better than the Russians or if that's what we were supposed to believe.
My current obessesion/timewasting activity is to read about the myriad 9/11 conspiracy theories. It's undeniable that the destruction of the WTC was a polarizing event which conveniently divided the world into Us vs. Them. The benefits to the current White House administration were many (despite how it has blown up in their face.) It's not a very far leap of logic to consider that Cheney and Co. (Coming from Disney Films this Christmas!) perpetrated the attacks or were at least complicit. I've watched enough Jack Bauer to know that this shit happens all the time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9/11_conspiracy_theories
This is a exhaustive list of current 9/11 theories. The wiki editors do a good job of keeping this article neutral, neither endorsing or dismissing the claims. It's a decent read, even if you don't believe a bleeding word of it. I'm not sure where my own opinion lies, but some of the evidence presented (including corroborating eyewitness testimony of explosions in teh WTC basement as the planes crashed into the top of the tower) are too compelling to deny outright.
Another new conspiracy (for me) is outlined here. This is well-thought out and comprehensive thesis proving that Jesus did not exist. Historically. That there is very little evidence to support the claims that he was a social activist or even a public speaker. Instead, this dude proves that the gospels and the subsequent new testament were mythic writings on par with Homeric literature. Interesting, if you can deal with the wall of text on that page.
Finally, the pyramids were made by aliens because Egyptians are stupid.
Perhaps it comes from history class. I remember the point being outlined many times in my Connecticut liberal public school education that history is written by the victors. That even commonly held accounts of the Revolutionary War, the Civil War or Vietnam are heavily skewed towards promoting US supremacy. I was a child at the peak of the Cold War, and it often seemed every movie was about Russia succombing to the capitalist wise-cracking might of America. Looking back now, I wonder if what we had was so much better than the Russians or if that's what we were supposed to believe.
My current obessesion/timewasting activity is to read about the myriad 9/11 conspiracy theories. It's undeniable that the destruction of the WTC was a polarizing event which conveniently divided the world into Us vs. Them. The benefits to the current White House administration were many (despite how it has blown up in their face.) It's not a very far leap of logic to consider that Cheney and Co. (Coming from Disney Films this Christmas!) perpetrated the attacks or were at least complicit. I've watched enough Jack Bauer to know that this shit happens all the time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9/11_conspiracy_theories
This is a exhaustive list of current 9/11 theories. The wiki editors do a good job of keeping this article neutral, neither endorsing or dismissing the claims. It's a decent read, even if you don't believe a bleeding word of it. I'm not sure where my own opinion lies, but some of the evidence presented (including corroborating eyewitness testimony of explosions in teh WTC basement as the planes crashed into the top of the tower) are too compelling to deny outright.
Another new conspiracy (for me) is outlined here. This is well-thought out and comprehensive thesis proving that Jesus did not exist. Historically. That there is very little evidence to support the claims that he was a social activist or even a public speaker. Instead, this dude proves that the gospels and the subsequent new testament were mythic writings on par with Homeric literature. Interesting, if you can deal with the wall of text on that page.
Finally, the pyramids were made by aliens because Egyptians are stupid.
Friday, July 13, 2007
***News FLASH*** Businessmen are Boring!! Extra!
There is this asshole Indian dude who I work for named Giridar Srinevasan (the names have not been changed because I don't want to protect this son of a bitch).
One day a few months ago he was looking through the shit on my desk (while I wasn't there mind you) and saw one of the fantasy short story magazines I've been getting. He looked through it, noticing only the advertisements which, regrettably, market towards the female readers with Fabio looking dudes on the cover. He insisted on calling it gay-porn. Everytime he's here at my desk with another person and time to kill, he brings up my obsession with gay porn. "Have you heard about Greg's taste in magazines?" I always bring out the latest issue of Realms of Fantasy and show them, trying as hard as I can not to feel embarassed. He goes through the magazine, pointing out every shitty advertisement for low-end romance/fantasy books, as if that's what I was reading. All the while it's peppered with derisive comments, "I'm worried about you..." Giridar constantly tries to make me feel like shit for reading fantasy, but I'm always like, "I am not ashamed, dude."
This morning, he did it again with one of the younger guys in the office. I said, "Don't you read stories?" His response, "I read newspapers." In a grim voice. Like that's the only thing that matters. Guess what you fucking prick? There's more to life than numbers and spreadsheets and whether your mail-order Hindian wife is going to get into the US on a shitty ass green card.
He's a dick in normal business too, nobody seems to like him because he gets agitated and upset easily. The guy acts like the annoying younger brother to those above him and a playground bully to those below. He's even tried to drag me in the dirt before on an invoice that he fucked up, blaming me to his bosses because I reproduced the exact numbers that he gave me an hour before. Douche.
This is for you, Giridar. If reading fantasy makes me wrong, I don't want to be like you.
One day a few months ago he was looking through the shit on my desk (while I wasn't there mind you) and saw one of the fantasy short story magazines I've been getting. He looked through it, noticing only the advertisements which, regrettably, market towards the female readers with Fabio looking dudes on the cover. He insisted on calling it gay-porn. Everytime he's here at my desk with another person and time to kill, he brings up my obsession with gay porn. "Have you heard about Greg's taste in magazines?" I always bring out the latest issue of Realms of Fantasy and show them, trying as hard as I can not to feel embarassed. He goes through the magazine, pointing out every shitty advertisement for low-end romance/fantasy books, as if that's what I was reading. All the while it's peppered with derisive comments, "I'm worried about you..." Giridar constantly tries to make me feel like shit for reading fantasy, but I'm always like, "I am not ashamed, dude."
This morning, he did it again with one of the younger guys in the office. I said, "Don't you read stories?" His response, "I read newspapers." In a grim voice. Like that's the only thing that matters. Guess what you fucking prick? There's more to life than numbers and spreadsheets and whether your mail-order Hindian wife is going to get into the US on a shitty ass green card.
He's a dick in normal business too, nobody seems to like him because he gets agitated and upset easily. The guy acts like the annoying younger brother to those above him and a playground bully to those below. He's even tried to drag me in the dirt before on an invoice that he fucked up, blaming me to his bosses because I reproduced the exact numbers that he gave me an hour before. Douche.
This is for you, Giridar. If reading fantasy makes me wrong, I don't want to be like you.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
CONTEST!!
I'm participating in yet another one of those forced creativity things. Yep. It appears it's the only way I can get anything done. This one's a week long screenwriting challenge. Starts tommorrow. Let's just hope I don't get Romance set in a Public Bathroom in Central Park.
http://www.nycmidnight.com/2007/SC2007/challenge.htm
Actually, that one wouldn't be that bad. I could have a rapist who actually falls in love with his victim... GENIUS!
UPDATE! My criteria are as follows:
When a kid jumps into the pool, he's transported to a dream world of magic. Or maybe, when man has a near-death expereience swimming on a beach, he is saved by a mermaid. Or maybe...
http://www.nycmidnight.com/2007/SC2007/challenge.htm
Actually, that one wouldn't be that bad. I could have a rapist who actually falls in love with his victim... GENIUS!
UPDATE! My criteria are as follows:
GENRE - Fantasy
SUBJECT - Swimming
When a kid jumps into the pool, he's transported to a dream world of magic. Or maybe, when man has a near-death expereience swimming on a beach, he is saved by a mermaid. Or maybe...
Just in case you were wondering how Fantasy Baseball works
Although you probably weren't.
Fantasy baseball scoring: Every day, each team is ranked 1-10 on each cumulative stat. So if Player A has 50 saves recorded on Tuesday and Player B has 48, then Player A has a 10 in saves and player B has a 9 (assuming they were leading the league). If on Wednesday, Player B's relievers do well and record 3 saves and Player A's record nothing, then Player B is ranked 10 and Player B is ranked 9 for saves that day.
This is done for each stat, each day, and the rankings are all added which results in your overall score. If Player A has a 10 in saves, a 6 in ERA and 1 in Ks then his overall score is a 17. On Wednesday, his rankings are 9, 6 and 1.5 respectively and his score is a 16.5 (a .5 on a ranking means there is a tie and the two players each get the mean of the rankings above and below them). That's why on the main page change is denoted by -1 or +2.5. This is the team's cumulative change in the rankings of each stat.
Another important thing, players have to be in the game (not on the bench) to record stats. If a batter isn't playing that day or its a travel day for the team, try to have the players on the bench get in the game and get you some stats. Starting pitchers are the most important, you have to rotate them in when they are scheduled to pitch. This means you have to check every once in a while to see when their rotation is up. You can schedule roster changes several days in advance if you are leaving for the weekend or something.
That's only rotesserie league play. I've been slightly addicted to this whole fantasy thing, ever since my buddy got me involved in his Yahoo league. There's also head-to-head play where you battle one manager's team per week in all the league's stats. Good times. I'd link you my team but it's set to private for some reason. I'll give you a hint though. Manram Ordonez.
Yet another time suckage tool. Between this, playing 12 games of simul-chess on gameknot and reading the latest WOW news, it's amazing I get anything done.
Wait. I don't do anything. I forgot. *sigh*
Fantasy baseball scoring: Every day, each team is ranked 1-10 on each cumulative stat. So if Player A has 50 saves recorded on Tuesday and Player B has 48, then Player A has a 10 in saves and player B has a 9 (assuming they were leading the league). If on Wednesday, Player B's relievers do well and record 3 saves and Player A's record nothing, then Player B is ranked 10 and Player B is ranked 9 for saves that day.
This is done for each stat, each day, and the rankings are all added which results in your overall score. If Player A has a 10 in saves, a 6 in ERA and 1 in Ks then his overall score is a 17. On Wednesday, his rankings are 9, 6 and 1.5 respectively and his score is a 16.5 (a .5 on a ranking means there is a tie and the two players each get the mean of the rankings above and below them). That's why on the main page change is denoted by -1 or +2.5. This is the team's cumulative change in the rankings of each stat.
Another important thing, players have to be in the game (not on the bench) to record stats. If a batter isn't playing that day or its a travel day for the team, try to have the players on the bench get in the game and get you some stats. Starting pitchers are the most important, you have to rotate them in when they are scheduled to pitch. This means you have to check every once in a while to see when their rotation is up. You can schedule roster changes several days in advance if you are leaving for the weekend or something.
That's only rotesserie league play. I've been slightly addicted to this whole fantasy thing, ever since my buddy got me involved in his Yahoo league. There's also head-to-head play where you battle one manager's team per week in all the league's stats. Good times. I'd link you my team but it's set to private for some reason. I'll give you a hint though. Manram Ordonez.
Yet another time suckage tool. Between this, playing 12 games of simul-chess on gameknot and reading the latest WOW news, it's amazing I get anything done.
Wait. I don't do anything. I forgot. *sigh*
Thursday, June 28, 2007
British Atheist
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/more_sport/athletics/article1991114.ece
The greatest triple-jumper known to man has also become Britain's most famous atheist. I'm seeing a lot of parallels here. Triple-jumper. Jesus rose from the dead in three days. This guy won 7 silver medals in his career. Jesus's life was bought for 30 pieces of silver*. Jonathan Edwards had his reverse epiphany when he was exposed to BBC secular types. Jesus exposed himself to Mary Magdalene. The similarites are almost eerie.
On another note: Edwards carried sardines in his pouch when he won the gold medal. That's just gross.
* See Jesus Christ Superstar.
The greatest triple-jumper known to man has also become Britain's most famous atheist. I'm seeing a lot of parallels here. Triple-jumper. Jesus rose from the dead in three days. This guy won 7 silver medals in his career. Jesus's life was bought for 30 pieces of silver*. Jonathan Edwards had his reverse epiphany when he was exposed to BBC secular types. Jesus exposed himself to Mary Magdalene. The similarites are almost eerie.
On another note: Edwards carried sardines in his pouch when he won the gold medal. That's just gross.
* See Jesus Christ Superstar.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Ah those crazy ARGs
There are some games that you don't even know you are playing.
The idea of alternate reality games is that they are viral marketing tools with their insidious messages shot directly into your eyeballs which will make you jump and dance and buy their shit. In fact, I don't think they do any of the above.
It's hard to define what exactly they are. A series of puzzles on the internet, a couple of dummy phone lines, a series of images which eventually point to ... what? The reward is intangible. A piece of lore. A scrap of story. Yet, millions of people enjoyed Halo 2's I love Bees campaign.
I don't know any of these people.
I like the idea. It is like an extremely complex scavenger hunt created by an evil genius. But ARGs are basically fabricated research projects. Which although neat, actually entails a lot of, for lack of a better word, WORK. Why would I spend hours scouring websites, reading encyclopedic tomes searching for clues or following up on Da Vinci Code-esque leads? Am I wearing a fedora? Am I named after the dog?
Anyway, if any of you are interested, Bungie is running a new ARG for the release of Halo 3. The game may or may not start here. You may be tempted into a tangled weave of intrigue with loose blondes and smart-quipping vilains. Or you may just read the comic, say, "Huh, neat," and continue on with your life.
The idea of alternate reality games is that they are viral marketing tools with their insidious messages shot directly into your eyeballs which will make you jump and dance and buy their shit. In fact, I don't think they do any of the above.
It's hard to define what exactly they are. A series of puzzles on the internet, a couple of dummy phone lines, a series of images which eventually point to ... what? The reward is intangible. A piece of lore. A scrap of story. Yet, millions of people enjoyed Halo 2's I love Bees campaign.
I don't know any of these people.
I like the idea. It is like an extremely complex scavenger hunt created by an evil genius. But ARGs are basically fabricated research projects. Which although neat, actually entails a lot of, for lack of a better word, WORK. Why would I spend hours scouring websites, reading encyclopedic tomes searching for clues or following up on Da Vinci Code-esque leads? Am I wearing a fedora? Am I named after the dog?
Anyway, if any of you are interested, Bungie is running a new ARG for the release of Halo 3. The game may or may not start here. You may be tempted into a tangled weave of intrigue with loose blondes and smart-quipping vilains. Or you may just read the comic, say, "Huh, neat," and continue on with your life.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Grape soda
I'm drinking some right now. And all I can think about is the band I had in 9th grade with my friends who were way more musically inclined than I. I tried to write the lyrics of a song, I had most of them down but the only ones I remember were:
Heavy shit. Unfortunately that's the entire catalog of Grape Soda right there. If we'd stuck with it we'd be the next Creed, or at least the New Radicals.
I stood upon the ground and I wished that you were there
There was something gone that I'd not seen before
Heavy shit. Unfortunately that's the entire catalog of Grape Soda right there. If we'd stuck with it we'd be the next Creed, or at least the New Radicals.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
A month gone by
Been busy lately. On May 17th, I left for a weekend with the boys in what will be known as the Greenville Drive. For details of our mass exodus to the southland, go here. He's got quite a few posts on the trip, make sure you check them all out. I will be adding pics and maybe even video here eventually. I filled up a 2 gig card of pics and I still had to delete some of the obviously out-of-focus in order to get the Cos. That's right, I said Kevin Costner.
Immediately after I got back from staying in dirty motel rooms in the bible belt, I began recreating a dirty motel ... ON STAGE! Good friend, Oliver Butler, and his fellow theater auteurs from the Debate Society have successfully staged their third play, The Eaten Heart. I humbly spent a few days banging together some moulding, hanging masking and stapling scrim to itself. The set is badass, the sound and the lighting is spot on, and the characters Paul (like naked Larry who believes he's invisible because he's wearing Magic Underpants) and Hannah (crazy woman who sings lounge acts castrating her dear husband) create are scintillating. I *heart* the Eaten Heart.
I received a wonderful shallacking from the sun on Memorial Monday. Mephistopholes and I loved our little jaunt to Jones beach, until the sun went behind the concrete clouds and threatened never to return. "Come back Father Sun!" we beseeched from sticky, lotioned faces. Come back he did, as he always does, and his vicious rays punished us for our doubt in him. Both of us are burnt, though (despite her name) Mephistopholes is worse. Her midsection is now a crayon-perfect burnt umber. Tasty.
Immediately after I got back from staying in dirty motel rooms in the bible belt, I began recreating a dirty motel ... ON STAGE! Good friend, Oliver Butler, and his fellow theater auteurs from the Debate Society have successfully staged their third play, The Eaten Heart. I humbly spent a few days banging together some moulding, hanging masking and stapling scrim to itself. The set is badass, the sound and the lighting is spot on, and the characters Paul (like naked Larry who believes he's invisible because he's wearing Magic Underpants) and Hannah (crazy woman who sings lounge acts castrating her dear husband) create are scintillating. I *heart* the Eaten Heart.
I received a wonderful shallacking from the sun on Memorial Monday. Mephistopholes and I loved our little jaunt to Jones beach, until the sun went behind the concrete clouds and threatened never to return. "Come back Father Sun!" we beseeched from sticky, lotioned faces. Come back he did, as he always does, and his vicious rays punished us for our doubt in him. Both of us are burnt, though (despite her name) Mephistopholes is worse. Her midsection is now a crayon-perfect burnt umber. Tasty.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
WOW bits
Most of my day is still eaten up by the menace which is currently plaguing 8 million people all over the world. World of Warcraft. I recently coerced, with 2 parts mindless reiteration, 1 part marijuana, my buddy back into the addictive gameplay of his Human Warlock, Savagei. Like Christopher Moltesanti to a freebase session, he has gobbled up all the new Burning Crusade content with reckless abandon. My main is stalled at 65 while he's been at 70 for weeks. I just hope he doesn't shoot me when he realizes that he hasn't slept in four days and still hasn't bothered to change the pants he shat when he and his guild finally bests Illidan the Betrayer in the Black Temple next month. This resurgent junkie behavior may or may not be why he hasn't blogged in two months and doesn't have a job, but who am I to judge? Judy?I play when I can, when I'm not doing comedy or playing basketball or at my weekly D&D game. But most of my time in front of this here cubicle computer is still spent researching the little bits of lore at wowwiki.com or searching for new addons at wowace.com or wowinterface.com. A couple of months ago, I channeled my dorkosity into writing an article about the addon community and the very real possibility of mod authors burning out on what is a very volunteer project. It went up at the Escapist last week and I'm proud of how it came out.
There have been rumblings of a big announcement from the Boys at Blizzard. A new game is in the works set in the Starcraft universe. For those of you who don't know, Starcraft was an RTS made in 1999 and is the greatest computer game ever made, if you are a Korean. Seriously, this is an American game which has become a NATIONAL FUCKING SPORT in Korea complete with rockstar gamers and huge televised matches with thousands of screaming fans. Most assumed that Blizz's new game was the much anticipated Starcraft 2, a sequel which would give them a break from the MMO juggernaught of WOW and a chance to get back to their RTS roots. But today, quite a few channels link to this story, it seems that Blizzard is in fact going to announce a new Starcraft MMO at its third Worldwide Invitational in Seoul, South Korea on May 19th. The article linked above mentions "well-placed" Blizzard sources. It's anybody's guess who the fuck that is but my money's on this guy.World of Starcraft, eh? I'd buy that for a dollar. Many people assume that it will be a clone of the WOW gameplay but I think a highly polished space economic sim like EVE Online or the crafting of SW Galaxies is the niche MMO space Blizz will be aiming at. They don't want to compete with themselves, do they? They already have LOTRO to do that.
I stumbled upon a gallery with screenshots from the alpha phase of WOW's development. It's pretty cool to see how the game changed, most of the models were replaced and the UI was redesigned several times it seems. But I wish I could find this in the game still. "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"And finally in the file labeled "Why the fuck not?" Blizzard has partnered up with Visa to bring the American consumer the most needless tie-in product ever conceived by humans: The World of Warcraft Visa Credit Card. Was it really necessary to poison every transaction with the taint of your WOW obsession? I can see nerds everywhere saying, "Sure, put it on my WOW card so I can rack up gametime." Really?
Really?
I applied the day it came out...
Monday, May 07, 2007
Cadaver Synod
You come across some crazy shit on the interwebs. I was just browsing around on that wikipedia this morning, and stumbled upon on article describing the scene pictured here. Apparently, in 897 A.D., a pope dug up the dead body of his predecessor, dressed it in papal robes and put the cadaver on trial. Pope Stephen (the new pope) had deacons stationed near the throne who would mutter the correct (guilty) responses to the new Pope's questions. The dead dude was found guilty, stripped of his papal vestments (which I presume were just put on him a few hours before), and then buried, only to be taken out of the ground again and thrown into the river Tiber.This was all politcally motivated, I gather. There were several warring factions in Italy at the time and the Papacy was used as a tool to gain power. But seriously, who thinks digging up a body and having a mock trial is a good idea? Why not just give a speech damning the last guys actions, or even moving the body to a place with less prestige than the Basilica? Fuck it, why even bother with the whole religious charade and stop bothering people about it?
I know what Christians like my dad would say if I ever brought this up to him. He'd say you can't judge the present church or question the existence of God just because some awful things were done in the past. My response to that is, why the fuck not? These popes were crazy. According to dogma, they are supposed to be the corporeal link to God. Does that mean God condones digging up corpses and having a puppet show? No. It means the whole thing is a fallacy.
And I still can't understand why so many people fall for it.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
What is the Algorithm?
I've been seeing these billboards in the city recently. I don't know what they are about. There is no mention of any product or even a website at the bottom to check. There is really no clue as to what the message is other than the recurrence of the Algorithm mentioned. In the past, New York has seen some interesting viral marketing campaigns before viral was used to describe something other than why you were puking all day. I remember Peter Barbieri, this TD I used to work with, told us how when Ghostbusters was being advertised in the subways, they used an all black sign with just the No Ghosts symbol in the center.
Man, remember Peter Barbieri? He was great. I used to work in his shop in Ossining, NY. I'd take the Metro North Hudson Line north against traffic and commute to Ossining, the location of Sing Sing prison, in case you were wondering. Peter used to go into the prison and help the inmates put on shows. He told us he couldn't bring in a SawsAll though.
What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, the algorithm. Your guess is as good as mine.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
4:20
My brother gave me his old Ipod. I've been against the infrenal machines for years, as I've documented here before. Mostly because they cost so much without the necessary payoff. I've had a 40 gb Creative jukebox for 3 years. It's never crapped out once or needed to have the battery replaced. Try to get the same story from any ipod owner. If it's a mini, forget it. But here it was, a free 60 gb ipod. How could I turn that down? I decided to give it a shot. I tested it out on my laptop, getting the few tracks I keep on there for my wife . . . Mephistopholes.
Last night, I tried to install itunes on my computer at home. First off, Quicktime is a bitch and infects every fucking thing, but whatever, I'll deal with that later. Then I try to install the ipod but it says I can't because it's already has a library on another computer (my laptop). Plus there are songs that I bought there which I don't have the licenses for on my home computer. Itunes tells me to either cancel copying of those tracks or do a complete reset. I try to reset the thing, as prompted, so that I can start fresh. And it tells me that I have to plug it into the wall in order to complete the reset. Mi hermano never gave me the wall plug, because he thought I didn't need it. So now I have a brick which I can't use.
My Creative doesn't freak out when I plug it into different machines. And I thought Ipods were so useful, part of the Apple Zeitgeist that is busy making peoples lives better while charging a petamillion for it. They are the acerbic hip dude from Waiting, and I'm just the fat funny guy from the Daily Show. I'd rather be the fat funny dude, honestly.
I'm going to try this tonight, http://www.mgtek.com/dopisp/. It's a plugin for WMP that works with ipods. Maybe it will be less stressful than dealing with itunes, i always liked WMP's interface better.
Oh and 420, dude.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
