Being the random thoughts of Greg Tito, age 29.

Announcements for my standup comedy gigs are here at gregtito.com.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Movies that were good when you were 6...

But kind of suck when you watch them now.

A not-so-comprehensive list:

  • The Neverending Story - I remember loving this delightful tale of the Nothing destroying all of Fantasia when I was a kid. I just watched it on netflix and I have to say, keep your nostalgia firmly ensconced in better fare. The ancient effects, nonsensical editing, and bad child acting, consisting of yelling every line "But that's impossible!", definitely ruin the meta-story. Why did I remember the Empress being hot? She was freaking 10 years old, what's wrong with me?
  • The Money Pit - The only funny part is when Tom Hanks is stuck in the floor and does that weird barking laugh. The rest is actually rather sad and reminds me too much of life in my crappy apartment, where my shower has tiles falling on my head on a daily basis.
  • Spies Like Us - Still has got some great moments with Chase and Akroyd, but the sequence at the end with the lasers and the missiles and the pudding pops are way too Reagan-era for me now. I used to love the Cold War, what happun?
  • Star Trek 3: The Search For Spock - I used to think this one went against the odd-numbered Trek films rule, wherein they all suck, and pulled off Kirk and the Gang's weird quest to save Spock from being dead. After watching it as a mature human being though, I have to agree with what Trekkies (and everyone else) knew 20 years ago. It sucks.

Add your own tales of the disappointment in your childhood's ability to critically analyze films in the comments.

8 comments:

Stephaine - yes, that's spelled right said...

The one that I remember the most watching as a kid was The Legend of Billy Jean. It was the first movie that introduce me to a young Christian Slater who I followed religiously throughout the 80's. But anyhow, as a 10 y/o, I thought this movie rocked because it was about teenagers fighting against a system that failed to protect them and winning. Plus, it had really cool Pat Benatar music as the soundtrack. Looking back at it, it's a terrible movie. I couldn't watch it today.

Rain Delay said...

Airborn man... airborn... That movie sucked then...and it sucks now.. But I cannot stop watching it.

KDW said...

I'm not sure if the boys will know this one, but for all the girls out there: The Last Unicorn. I thought it was the most amazing, magical thing when I was little. I just bought it like six months ago and watched it again. Holy crap! That movie is creepy! I don't know how it didn't scare the crap out of me as a small child.

Brad said...

Hey Greg, how's it going? Andrew told me about your blog and your list and I couldn't resist adding some of my personal favs from childhood.

• Howard the Duck (actually _still_ funny)
• The Boogens (http://imdb.com/title/tt0082094/)
• The Monster Squad
• Zapped!
• BeastMaster
• Krull
• Ice Pirates
• Red Dawn (WOLVERINES!!!)
• D.A.R.Y.L.
• Teen Wolf
• Commando (Yes, I said Commando rewatch it and see)
• Delta Force (actually that film sucked back then too)
• Short Circuit
• Top Gun
• Mannequin
• Cobra & Over the Top (Stallone gets two, in fact Rocky III & IV are very close to making this list)
• The Gate
• Adventures in Babysitting
• Superman III & IV and Supergirl
• Going Ape!
• The Toy (actually tolerable)
• Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend
• Footloose
• Swamp Thing
• Spacehunter
• Date with an Angel
• Vice Versa, 18 Again and Like Father Like Son (why were there 4 [including Big] body swapping films in 1988?!)

if I think of any more I'll let you know.

Bob Jingle said...

I haven't seen Billy Jean or the Last Unicorn (perhaps because I'm not a 7 year old girl, contrary to how I appear) so I can't comment.

But Brad's list has got quite a few dead-ons with several zingers. All the fantasy movies definitely had more appeal to those under 10, and the cold war flicks you got on there somehow lost their appeal after Gorbachev.

But Top Gun? Short Circuit? Mannequin? Those cut to the quick. Are they really that bad now?

Brad said...

Mannequin actually has its moments especially if you forgot James Spader as the wacky store manager. Short Circuit I actually haven't seen since I was barely out of grammar school but since it starred a PG Steve Guttenberg I dismiss it as hokey. Top Gun I put on that list for its super machismo and its horrible gung-ho war ethics; it feels really bad to watch that flick nowadays.

Here's some other doosies:

• Xanadu (never watched when I was a youngster probably b/c I had a penis but me and my wife watched this a couple years ago....oooof)
• Conan the Destroyer (Grace Jones...nuff said)
• Tron (passable b/c its still fun to watch)
• Jaws 3-D
• Karate Kid part II (Haven't seen since the 80s)
• Critters, Munchies, Ghoulies (Gremlin wannabees)
• Transformers: The Movie (I prefer the G.I. Joe movie myself)
• Can't Buy Me Love (Dr. McDreamy 20 years ago)
• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (saw it recently and not as funny as it was 18 years back)

Ian said...

I must say, I still like the Money Pit and The Neverending Story. I also still like Red Dawn.

I do not however, still like The Last Unicorn.

I said I DON'T.

Bob Jingle said...

Wow, I think you swing the sucks stick a little too wide, Brad.

Bill & Ted's is still good. I saw it on HBO recently too and have to say it holds up. Can't Buy Me Love is still a great 80s teen comedy, you can't touch that.

And don't you dare say Transformers the movie is worse than GI Joe (did they even have a movie or was it just 5 part tv shows slapped toether?) What other animated film from that period can boast the talents of Judd Nelson, Robert Stack, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Idle, the micro machines guy, Casey Kasem and ORSON FUCKING WELLES in his last on-screen role? I rest my case.

Another random movie that holds up is Muppets Take Manhattan, if only for the Gil, Bill, Jill, Phil stuff. Gregory Hines little bit is pretty funny too. Henson and Oz are brilliant. Or were brilliant.